The World's Punching Bag

Much has been written the past couple of weeks about domestic violence, child abuse and the like. In addition, several ball players have been penalized vulgarity. Referees are calling penalties for cursing. There is so much political correctness that we have managed to lose our message so as not to offend. We have become a society of wimps, punks and cowards hiding behind stupid laws, media innuendo and internet usernames.

I’ll be sharing some thoughts on these issues the next several weeks but today I’d like to tackle what I find one of the most egregious and that is domestic violence.

We’ve all see the video of Ray Rice knocking out his wife in an elevator and then dragging her out of the elevator as if she were garbage. The comments following the viewing of this display ranged from disgust to outrage. Yet there were many who wrote that Mrs. Rice had it coming since she hit him first. Still others stated this was the way a woman is supposed to be treated, that violence is necessary to keep a woman in line.

The legal definition of domestic violence is “any abusive, violent, coercive, forceful or threatening act inflicted by one member of a family or household on another.” This definition covers not only physical abuse as witnessed on that surveillance tape but emotional and/or mental abuse as well.

Domestic violence is an unfortunate, active participant in our society. It is practiced and endured by people of every ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, class and socio-economic level. Unlike eating or sleeping, it’s one of the few universal actions that every society seems to choose. What a horrifying thought!

Among the questions posed by pundits and the general public is why did she stay. Others question what she did or say that would cause him to react in such a manner? Still others ask why Ray Rice is the poster child for domestic violence when so many others have behaved in similar if not worse manners. Still others ask why this is an issue at all. There are a myriad if answers to these questions but the question we should be asking is why we have allowed this type of behavior to be perpetuated.

The answer is simple. This behavior has been allowed to continue because women are still not seen as equals in the world. Yes, I know this a rather broad pronouncement but if you think about it, you will see it is not so farfetched.

The essay “It’s All about Control” in my book Thoughts of a Fried Chicken Watermelon Woman (Total Recall Press) outlines the way men have controlled since the beginning of recorded history and still control women in 2014. Women have made great strides becoming heads of states, professional athletes, entertainers and Fortune 500 CEO’s. Yet women are still battling with the men for the right to control their bodies and their lives. Honor killings take place across the Middle East. Two years ago, a young woman was shot in the head for trying to go to school. This past April, more than 200 girls were kidnapped in Nigeria. The list of atrocities against women and girls are endless. Yet after the media shines a light on these actions for a few days or weeks, men all over the world return to the ghastly behavior we witnessed two weeks ago.

We here in the United States point fingers at the kidnappings and the honor killings saying those are isolated incidents that occur in the Third World. What a crock! We have our own rogues’ gallery of miscreants that those in Third World can point to. Those men are not only members of the NFL. They are singers, actors, law enforcement officers and judges.

This year alone, Grammy nominated singer Kevin McCall was accused of beating his ex-girlfriend. Actor Columbus Short (Scandal) was arrested for beating his wife. The deputy fire chief of Chester, NH Michael Willinsky was arrested for assaulting his wife. This is his second arrest. Three law enforcement officers in Oklahoma have been arrested for sexually assaulting women while on duty in the past two months. Federal judge Mark Fuller of Alabama was arrested last month for beating his wife. He is expected to return to the bench after undergoing a 24 week family and domestic violence program.

Scandal creator Shonda Rhimes cut Columbus Short shortly after he was charged and arrested. His character was killed at the end of the season. South African Olympian Oscar Pistorius, although found not guilty of first degree murder, was found guilty of manslaughter and will most likely serve a long jail term. Government officials in Alabama are fervently urging Fuller to resign from the bench. For the most part, few of these men will pay any penalty or serve any jail time for their crimes.

And what of those famous habitual domestic abusers like Charlie Sheen and Floyd Mayweather? CBS released Charlie Sheen from the hit television show Two and a Half Men not after consistent abuse charges but for calling show creator Chuck Lorre “a clown.” He was immediately picked up by Fox to star in the television show Anger Management.

Floyd Mayweather is expected to pocket $80 million for last week’s fight but very few are grilling him about his long history of domestic violence. It was reported that the boxing commission is going to take him to task for unsafe training conditions. They have yet to speak about his numerous domestic abuse charges and arrest.

I’d like to say that more women in positions of power across the board would stem domestic abuse. However I’m not that naïve. Domestic abuse thrives not only because women are not viewed as equals but because it’s thought of as a family affair. Those who are loathe to discuss abuse because of that view are WRONG. This is not a family affair. It is a societal affair. A recent study published by the Journal of the American Board of Family Medicine found that one in five men has committed an act of domestic violence. If that is not a societal ill, I don’t know what is.

We need to stop asking why s/he stayed. It doesn’t really matter why. We need to stop saying this is a family issue. It clearly is not. We need to stop acting surprised when we hear of an athlete being arrested for domestic violence. They are not the only ones. We should stop saying this happens to the poor. We know this issue crosses all class, race and economic lines. And men must realize that women are their equals. Women should be accorded the same protection of the law and under the law as men. Women are not trophies to be won. They are not possessions to be passed around from man to man. Women are not lesser human beings needing to be controlled. Women should be respected as full human beings and treated as such.

Our society needs to recognize domestic violence is not an illness or a disorder. It is a crime against humanity and we need to punish it accordingly. Absolute zero tolerance for anyone anywhere ever.