My Friend, Death

We’ve all grown up hearing only two things are certain, death and taxes.  If you’re rich in America, only one of these is true.  The other is a non-issue.   Obviously I’m speaking of death.  Once we’re born, every day we live brings us one day closer to death.  It’s a very sobering thought and one most people avoid.  We spend vast amounts of time and money trying to stave off the inevitable.  And death IS inevitable.  It is the one appointment we can’t cancel or reschedule.  Death sets its own timetable for each of us.  Thus the only thing we control in terms of death is how we meet it and that’s only if we have the luxury of knowing when it’s coming.  If you die in an accident or meet your end in an act of violence, you don’t even have the luxury of facing death on your terms.

Why, you may ask, am I doing a post on death instead of focusing on any myriad of subjects?  The short answer is because I want to explore death and time.  The real answer is somewhat different.  Death scares me and fascinates me.  I’m not the only one.  Check out almost any Woody Allen movie.  He spends a great deal of time on the subject of death.  Ask the average person if he is afraid of death and I would bet that person would say yes.  However what we really fear is not so much death at all but what happens after we die. 

The faithful among us believe there is some form of life after death.  We go to heaven or hell or purgatory.  That is all predicated on how we live now.  Others believe we become part of the cosmos, having no form or shape but constantly moving through the solar system in never-ending time.  Some believe we are reincarnated to other forms or people which is once again, predicated upon how we live each previous life because we never cease to exist.  Finally there are those who believe death is the end.  We return to earth as the dust to be walked upon as the others who have preceded us.  Me, I’m not so sure and that uncertainty is what scares me the most.  I don’t have enough faith in any of these scenarios to give me comfort.

That discomfort is funny given that one of my favorite shows recently aired is series finale and its focus was death.  I’m speaking of Showtime’s’ original series, The Big C. 

The show stars Laura Linney and Oliver Platt and the basic premise is the journey of one woman’s exploration as she deals with impending death.  Cathy Jamison, played by Laura Linney, is a suburban wife, mother and high school teacher who is diagnosed with stage 4 melanoma.  The series follows her as she attempts to cope with the news, tell her family and live as well and as fully as possible to the end.  For the sake of time, I’ve given you the Readers Digest version of the show.  There is plenty to tell and great story lines that take place and memorable characters played by Idris Elba, Susan Sarandon, Alan Alda, Brian Dennehy and Gabourey Sidibe to name a few.

Needless to say, the humor can be dark and situations sad.  Some people die very unexpectedly and others fade out of existence just as in real life.  But the real coup is the choices Cathy makes as she faces her death.  I’d like to believe I am capable of the courage, humor, strength and compassion she shows throughout her ordeal.  But I don’t think I am.  After all, Linney is playing a fictional character whose entire existence is written by someone who has the luxury of planning someone’s demise.  The show’s creator has the luxury of knowing who will live, who will die and when.  She knows what’s going to happen in the future and the impact of each character that crosses Cathy’s path.  She knows when Cathy is going to die and how.  She knows if Cathy will be alone or surrounded by family and friends.  She knows it all.  In essence, she is Cathy’s version of God.

The rest of us are not so lucky but then again, maybe we are.  Like Cathy, none of us really knows if our number is coming up today, a month, a year or a decade from now.  We just know it’s coming.  We don’t know who is going to go before us although we do know on that last day everyone we know who is alive is surely going after.  We don’t know what drink will be the last one, what movie will be the last one seen or if we are going to wake up the next day.  We just assume we are because that is what makes life worth living.

Let’s think about this for a moment.  If you knew your actual expiration date, would you be jerking around with something you could have finished ages ago?  If you knew you had a date with death at a specific time, would you be sitting around bitching about things or would you be out with your friends and/or family enjoying them?  Would you try to travel to that place you’ve dreamed of or at least visit a museum or art gallery or restaurant that embodies that culture?  Would you try to read every book you’ve wanted but couldn’t find the time for?  Would you take the time to try out a hobby or a sport that you’ve wanted?

The great thing about expiration dates is that it gives you a limit.  As a journalist, I do my best writing when I’m on deadline.  I’m extremely focused and the words seem to flow because I know my piece has to be turned in on time.  That’s why I set a deadline for my posts.  It’s a non-negotiable promise to my readers and promises are final.  Without a deadline, I can piss off and never finish a single essay. 

It’s funny when you thing about it, how much of what we do is governed by deadlines.  Every bill you pay has a pay date.  Every contract has a time limit.  Our lives are governed by time.  Job seniority, presidential terms, insurance policies, school – every facet of our lives is governed by a deadline and yet we live as though our time is unlimited.  I’ve got a surprise for you, my friend.  Time is unlimited.  Your time is not.  We all have an expiration date.

By now, you may be wondering where I’m going with this diatribe on time and death.  I’m not really sure myself other than to give you and me a wakeup call.  I do know I’ve wasted a lot of my time on people, groups and situations that were unworthy of it.  From now on, I intend to be more judicious about my precious commodity.  I used to spend every day worrying about all the things I had to do and that there was not enough time to do them all.  I used to feel guilty about taking a couple of hours to do nothing or do something I wanted to do.  I used to spend sleepless nights worrying about what I hadn’t done and what I needed to do.  NO MORE!

What I’m choosing to do instead is to spend my time doing more of the things I enjoy with the people I love.  I’m going to do work that inspires me and helps others because this gives me joy.  I’m going to watch the idiotic TV shows that make me laugh like World’s Dumbest with no shame.  I’m going to let the people I love know that I love them.  I’m going to travel as much as I can and eat every cuisine I want.  I’m going to take better care of this temple commonly known as my body.  I’m going to sit in the sun doing absolutely nothing for as long as I want, skin cancer be damned.  I’m going to do all these things and more because I can.  I may not be able to choose when and how and where I die.  But I can certainly choose how I want to live just like The Big C’s Cathy Jamison.

And my great hope for anyone who reads this is that you do the same.  Great memories are not made on how we died but how we lived.  Live well, my dears.

White Privilege Part 1

Try telling the average White person that he or she benefits because of White privilege and listen to the litany of comments denying it.  The most common statement I’ve heard is the “I wasn’t born privileged.  My family was (whatever) class.  We weren’t rich.”  Those of us who understand the true meaning of those two incendiary words just shake our heads and walk away.  We realize it is useless trying to explain what White privilege really is to folks who don’t want to own up to it.  Yet, I’m going to try or at least give you an idea of what it means to me.

Several years ago, former White Sox manager, Ozzie Guillen got into a pissing match with one of the sportswriters of a local newspaper that lasted several days.  Under normal circumstances this would not be on my radar.  However while watching the news, I heard a broadcaster mention that Ozzie’s tirades were going to make it difficult for another Hispanic man to have the opportunity of managing a professional baseball team.  I was so angry after hearing this that I screamed.  My husband rushed into the room thinking that I’d hurt myself.  Once I’d calmed down and told him what made me scream, he began to rant and rave himself. 

               

Why is one person of color always made responsible for everyone else in his race?  Why is it that Whites take any opportunity to keep us from getting ahead by using the behavior of one person to condemn us all?  Why is it someone White can do something and it is understood that the behavior is by an individual and not an indication of the entire race.  After all, the man who shot up the theatre is Denver is an individual.  The young man who shot and killed the people at Sandy Hook is an individual.  The Oklahoma City bomber is an individual.  Not once has anyone said that all young White men are killers or deranged.  Why is that same reasoning not accorded to people of color?  That’s the million dollar question. 

The original title of this essay was “Bobby Knight” because he is a perfect example of what I’m referring to.  For years, Bobby Knight screamed, cursed, threw things, hit people and acted a natural fool on television, in press conferences and on the floor of the basketball court.  He violated any number of collegiate rules and criminal laws (assault and battery immediately come to mind) and yet he has been revered by those in sports.  If he were to indulge in that behavior anywhere else but on a basketball court, he would have spent more than a few weeks staring at the bars of a jail cell.  Yet I never once, in the many years he coached basketball, heard anyone say that his behavior was going to prevent a White man from coaching college basketball in the future.  Bobby Knight’s behavior was attributed to one person – Bobby Knight.  Why then are people of color held to a different standard?  Ozzie Guillen, regardless of how you feel about his statements, represents one person and one person only – Ozzie Guillen.  He is not responsible for what anyone else of his ethnicity does nor is their behavior accountable to him.  We are individuals like you with warts, foibles, talents and interests and we should be accorded the singular respect that comes with seeing all people as individuals.

This is the luxury of White privilege – the right to be an individual without bringing entire race along for the ride.

Intentional Inequity

A dear friend and mentor of mine mentioned a couple of weeks ago that during the recent recession/depression, all her Black friends have lost their jobs and have been unable to get back into good employment.  Each and every one of them is still unemployed.  Conversely, only some of her White friends have been downsized but they are all currently employed.  I consider this one hell of an observation considering my friend happens to be White.  Her reflection begs the obvious question - Is this inequity intentional?

This question, if posed to the average person, would be answered typically on the basis of race.  The average White American would say this lack of return to the workforce of Black people comes down to less knowledge of new technologies or that employers are looking for the best candidates and those candidates just happen to be White.  One of my favorite answers is that employers are looking for individuals who can obtain and maintain global business relationships.  What galls is that global markets are almost entirely made up of people of color.  Only in Europe is the average businessperson White.

The average Black American would simply answer that racism is the root cause as to why so many Blacks have been downsized and have not yet rejoined the workforce.  Straight answer, no chaser.

I, too, would agree that racism is the cause of why so many formerly employed Black people are still out of work.  I happen to be one of them.  During the past five years of my unemployment, I have obtained both a BA and an MS from DePaul University.  Yet, although I have achieved what employers say want most in an employee – a combination of education and experience - I still can’t get a job.  Unfortunately my current status is not the exception to the rule but is seemingly the rule itself. 

Earlier this year, I attended a half-day job seminar filled with downsized Black people.  Many of them had never been unemployed and were obviously uncomfortable being at the seminar.  One lady gave a very painful testimony about her most recent job interview.  She had submitted a sterling resume to a business followed up with a productive phone interview.  She was invited to have a face to face interview with her phone interviewer who assured her that her qualifications were first rate and that he had no doubt she would be offered the position.  The face to face was just a formality.  She arrived early for the interview, checked in with the receptionist and eagerly awaited meeting the man she’d spoken to several times.  Shortly a White man came into the reception area, had a whispered conversation with the receptionist and left.  After several minutes, the receptionist informed the woman that her interviewer had an emergency and would be unable to meet with her.  She was asked to call back in a day or two to reschedule.  The lady followed up within 48 hours and was told that the criteria for the job had changed and that she was no longer being considered for the job.  It was clear to her and everyone in the room that she was not given the interview because the man had no idea she was Black until she came for the interview.  This would be merely sad if it were not such a regular business practice.

It would seem that the US government in the form of punitive small business regulations, corporations and our pathetic public education system has decided that Black people will continue to be the undisputed poverty class.  Schools no longer provide an education but instead prepare Black children in droves for the prison industrial complex.  Prisons are using first grade test scores to determine who many people will be in prison with the next 15 years.  This allows them to figure out how many jails will be necessary in the future.  One company in particular, Corrections Corporation of America, manages 45% of all private prison beds in the US.  According to their 2011 letter to shareholders (this is a publicly traded company) “only the Federal Bureau of Prisons and three states operate a system larger than CCA.  At year-end 2011, CCA housed more than 80,000 inmates in 67 facilities.”    Imagine the great loss of potential. 

Corporation and education professionals (not including teachers) are vocal advocates to the charter school system but that system is merely a way to funnel young people into becoming cogs for the business wheel.  This is why so many corporations have invested in charter schools but that same investment is not made to the average public school.  If an influx of money and interest can fund charter schools, why is this not done on a continuous basis to fund the already existing public school system?  What is happening to the funds generating by the many state lotteries that is supposed to support public schools?  Why is school funding tied to property taxes?  Why are the children who need the most given the least?  More importantly, why do we adults continue to elect politicians whose own children do not attend public schools?  In Chicago, a Chicago police officer has to live in Chicago.  A Chicago firefighter has to live in Chicago.  All public officials have to live within the area they serve.  Shouldn’t their children be made to be placed in public schools?  I would imagine if this were the case, the school system would drastically change.

Racism by definition is merely the belief that one race is superior to the other.  The most damaging part of this definition is the institutional racism that has been created to further this belief.  Will we see the end of racism within our lifetime?  I don’t believe so.  This country is as racist now as it has ever been since it was birthed from both racism and violence. 

Can we change this?  I would hope so.  But not until we recognize that all people including Black people and White people are really only one race – human.