Watch Out for the Okey Doke

Thoughts of a Fried Chicken Watermelon Woman is being released Tuesday, April 29th. It is my book of essays, op-eds and some previous blog posts on issues of the day. It was a labor of love but it was also a labor of a different sort. Writing a book is one hell of an endeavor. There were moments when I thought I'd taken on more than I could handle. But I realized that if I didn't write the book I wanted to see, no one else would. I hope, as readers of this blog, you will spend a few dollars to buy my book and then take some time to read it. I look forward to what you have to say.

A great deal has been written about statements made by L.A. Clippers owner Donald Sterling and Nevada rancher Cliven Bundy. My take is entirely different than what's been reported by the media except to those in my circle. We see things differently and are aware of what's going on here. I'm going to take a moment to share it with you.

Former L.A. Laker Magic Johnson, who was a target of a statement supposedly made by Sterling, said he didn't understand how someone could dislike Black people when the NBA is more than 75% Black. Magic needs to stop by one of the Starbuck's he owns and smell the coffee. Of course Sterling can dislike Black players even the ones on his team. He pays them to play a game, a very lucrative game but a game none the less. But he doesn't have to like them. If Magic took a moment to check the history books, he'd recognize Sterling's attitude as the exact type of attitude shared by slave owners. Hell, he could probably put the film The Help in his DVD player and see Sterling's attitude articulated very clearly. I imagine Magic's reaction has nothing so much to do with how Sterling feels about Black people but more about how Sterling feels about him. It is obvious that Magic is afflicted with the same disease O.J. Simpson had. All you readers may not be aware of that disease but a hell of a lot of us recognize it. It's called the How can White people not love me when I've worked so hard to make them accept me disease.

When the verdict was read at the O.J. Simpson trial in 1995, the reaction by White America was not a shock to most Black people but O.J. Simpson didn't get it. He was under the mistaken impression that he had been forgiven and all was okay. The conversation in my circle was that he shouldn't even jaywalk because White folks were gunning for him. Not until he was convicted of robbery in 2008 did he finally get it. Last year his parole request on five concurrent sentences was granted. Later last year, however, his request for a new trial was denied and he faces more prison time. If anyone should recognize the slave master mentality at this point, he should. Perhaps he should call Magic Johnson and give him a clue.

As for rancher Bundy, I think his statements speak volumes about his fondness for slavery times. Any person who speaks of slavery and picking cotton at this point in time is obviously a person out of time. And to talk about Black people and government subsidies while he refuses to pay the government the more than $1 million he owes, should be ignored and not given a platform to spew such madness. If anyone wants to take issue with him, take issue with the fact that the government has allowed him to owe this amount of money even as the IRS threatens average folks for a few thousand dollars for taxes.

I'm not amazed by what he said. I more amazed that people are so surprised at his views. I would imagine that at any given time in this country, his views are shared by millions. His statements were just made public.

I'm surprised the Republicans embraced him and then thought better of it and decided to distance themselves. As stated above, the focus needs to be on the money he owes and what the government plans to do about it. Given there are almost no ideological differences between Democrats and Republicans, I'm waiting for the sleight of hand that going to happen soon as the government quickly and quietly sweep this under the rug and Bundy will go back to business as usual as he becomes the poster boy for the Patriotism movement.

Once again, dear readers, we're falling for the sleight of hand tricks the government and mainstream media are performing. While we spend time debating about whether or not racism is alive and well in the U.S. (it is) and whether or not these gentlemen are racists (they are), the government is passing legislation that hurts us all, the Supreme Court is giving corporations more and more control over our elections and corporation media is bombarding us with programming that is so idiotic that watching it regularly drops our IQ by a few points.

We must be diligent. We must be aware. We must get angry and we must take action. The okey doke is alive and well. And if we're not careful, we'll be knocked out before we even get in the ring.

Happy Easter!

Today is Easter Sunday and Christians the world over are celebrating the risen Christ. Oh, how I remember this day well from my youth. Not so much for the religious significance but the pomp and circumstance surrounding it. Spending the week prior finding the right dress, purchasing white patent leather shoes, getting Shirley Temple curls in my hair, dyeing eggs the night before, Easter egg hunts at church - the memories go on and on. I would bet many of you have just as many wonderful memories as I do.

As I aged, Easter was still a time of buying a new outfit but it also signaled the arrival of spring and being able to finally wear white clothes. Although the egg hunts were a think of the past, I still loved dyeing eggs the Saturday night before Easter. Our Easter dinner was the stuff of legends with a great big honey blazed ham holding court in the center of the dinner table. After stuffing ourselves, our evening culminated in watching Charleston Heston , in perhaps his greatest role, play Moses in Cecil B. DeMilles’ greatest film The Ten Commandments.

As a church going adult, I found that I enjoyed the pomp and circumstance surrounding Easter even more since our church added a part of the Jewish celebration of Passover to the mix.

Passover is celebrated by Jews worldwide. The story of Passover is found in the Old Testament book of Exodus in the Bible. After suffering from various plagues, Moses told Pharaoh that the next plague would be one he himself would declare. Pharaoh ordered the death of the firstborn in each house. Only houses where the doorposts were smeared with the blood of an unblemished lamb was the firstborn spared. Hence the term "Passover."
The meal that marks the beginning of Passover is called a Seder service." There is a retelling of the story of the Jews exodus from Egypt and some symbolic foods are eaten representing both the slavery and eventual freedom experienced by the Jews. The meal consists of eating matzo (an unleavened bread representing poverty), bitter herbs (representing the bitterness of slavery)and a sweet paste (representing the mortar that was used to cement bricks). During the second half of the meal, matzo is eaten again along with vegetables dipped in salt water (representing bitter tears) and wine. It should be remembered this is the meal eaten by Jesus the night he was betrayed and memorialized as the Last Supper. The partaking of bread and wine is known as Communion in the Christian church.

At my home church, we held a Maundy Thursday potluck after our service where we washed each other’s feet. Prior to the potluck, we had a Seder service and I always felt it was a wonderful way to connect the Old and New Testament and connect Christianity and Judaism.

Eventually my church stopped the combined Passover/Maundy Thursday celebration and I stopped going to church. We don’t have a traditional Easter meal anymore. But I still watch the Easter time movies like King of Kings, The Robe, Barabbas, Ben-Hur, Easter Parade and Jesus Christ Superstar. Many of these movies I watched since I was a child and they are just as great now as they were then. The memories are as clear as the sky is today. They take me back to a time when the biggest decision I had to make was whether or not to wear lace socks or tights.

I can’t promise that I will never attend church on an Easter Sunday. I certainly can’t promise that I’ll never make another Easter ham. But I can promise that I will celebrate Easter in my own way, eating dyed eggs and chocolate bunnies till I burst.

Happy Easter!

Too Much

The news this week has been so heavy that finding one subject to cover in this post was almost impossible. There have been additional reports of how the search for Malaysia flight #370 has been further mishandled.

The Supreme Court continues its quest to disenfranchise the American people by allowing rich people the opportunity of giving as much money to political candidates as they wish. This is the follow-up ruling to the disastrous Citizens United.

DuPont heir Robert H. Richards IV was convicted of raping his three year old daughter but was spared prison because he “would not fare well in prison.” I never realized that faring well in prison was a determining factor if one is found guilty of a felony.

In Pennsylvania and Illinois, razor blades were found duct taped to playground equipment. A two year was hurt Monday afternoon suffering a minor cut to his hand.

This is just one week’s worth of news and I’m sure I missed something important but these are the four subjects that caught my attention. Allow me to offer some thoughts on each.

Since Malaysia #370 first went missing, the search has been mishandled. The airline officials seemed rather flippant in their communication to the families and the media about the steps being taken to find the flight. For two weeks, the families and friends of those passengers hoped their loved ones would be found. In this age of instant communication, it would be close to impossible for a plane to be out of contact two hours let alone two weeks and no one can find it or any indication of where it could be. Cars have On Star. ADT can turn off appliances and lock doors with the touch of an app. Seniors have Life Alert and even dogs have GPS but a jet plane disappears and it takes over two weeks to determine the plane was down. Adding insult to injury, families were notified by email that their loved ones were lost. Yet, it would have been time consuming to contact each family but given the hell those people went through, a personal call was the least they could have done.

The Supreme Court continues to prove that it has forgotten its original mandate in that it is the final interpreter of federal constitutional law. It’s become increasingly obvious that the court believes the Constitution and the rights guaranteed by it are reserved only for the rich and powerful, the rest of us be damned. The Citizens United decision is a travesty and should be repealed immediately. If corporations are people, I’d like to see Citibank, J P Morgan Chase and other corporations sit and wait at the doctors’ office or simply do something the rest of us do like use the washroom. It’s bad enough that we have to contend with corporation lobbyist’s stranglehold on our elected officials. We now have to contend with the rich being allowed to just outright purchase the people we rely on to work in our best interest.

This is the second time this year that a judge has allowed a rich person to avoid going to jail because the individual is not responsible or is unable to survive the prison system. Are prisoners being sentenced based on their survival skills? If so, there are a number of young people and women who have been unjustly sentenced and living lives of terror because they are not capable of surviving in jail. It’s obvious why Robert Richards was given probation for raping his daughter – he is a rich White man in America. Enough said.

There is a special place in hell for the perpetrators of this type of cruelty. Anyone who intentionally hurts a child should be tossed in a hole in the deepest, darkest part of the jail. This is not an April fool’s joke. This is not a harmless prank. This is the work of someone who doesn’t deserve to see daylight let alone share space on this planet with the rest of us. Every time I think people have gotten as low as they can go, someone comes along and makes me weep with the realization that I was dead wrong. Only divine intervention can save this soul.

No History without Herstory

March is Women's History Month. The National Writers Union, celebrates annually with a Womanist Read-In. This year we had 12 participants who read poetry, history, tributes, memoirs, science fiction and spiritual pieces. The pieces were as good as they were varied and I was happy to have had the opportunity of planning and hosting this event. It gets better every year.

There has been an ongoing conversation about this month through the years. People often wonder why there is a women's history month at all. Or all the other months that celebrate the various ethnicities that helped to create this country. The answer is alarmingly simple. If there were no women's history month, herstory would never be told. No one’s story would be told. After all, history is written from the perspective of the winner and in this country, the winner is always a White male.

It is an undeniable fact that history is written by the winners. When we look at the history of the United States, it is filled with stories of White males. The rest of us are thrown in here and there. If any of us go back to our history books, we see White men triumph time and time again regardless of the contributions of women, Blacks, Native Peoples, Latinos or Asians.

The story of Christopher Columbus is all about the Europeans who came to this country. Although the Native people who were here are mentioned, they take a back seat to Chris and his gang of marauders.

The first Thanksgiving is supposedly a story of harmony and friendship but eventually the Native people are swindled, killed and moved off their land in the name of progress. Never do the English make good on any of their promises to share the land. The term "Indian giver" means someone promises something or gives you something and then takes it back. The Native people were never Indian givers. They never took the land back. It was taken from them.

Even when someone else is victorious, the story is changed to favor the White male. Remember the story of Gen. George Armstrong Custer and the last stand? He and his army lost the battle. We all know Custer's army was slaughtered but history books proclaim no one survived. But someone did survive. The Lakota, the Northern Cheyenne and the Arapaho tribes led by Crazy Horse survived. Obviously their survival didn't count.

Blacks don't make an appearance until slavery except for that lone first soldier to die in the Revolutionary War, Crispus Attucks. If Attucks was there, wouldn't it make sense that other Blacks were there as well? But no. No other appearances by Blacks until slavery. After slavery, there is a brief mention of Blacks during the Reconstruction era but the only prominent Black person mentioned is George Washington Carver. But what of the other Blacks who made contributions during this crucial time. While cities were growing, there is no mention of Garrett A. Morgan who invented the stop light. There is no mention of Lewis Latimer who assisted Thomas Edison’s work with the light bulb. Black people make a brief appearance in history and then miraculously, we're gone until the Civil Rights era.

There is even less mention of Latinos and Asians other than a brief mention of the Asian contribution to the building of the railroads in the west. Very little is taught about the Latinos and Hispanics who are part of American history. Although Latinos founded cities like San Antonio and San Francisco, that contribution is no mentioned. Similarly like Custer’s Last Stand, a major battle is waged by Mexican forces at the Alamo. All 189 troops including Davy Crockett and Jim Bowie lost to that army led by General Santa Ana. Yet instead of recognition of the event, we are left with the battle cry of “Remember the Alamo” as if the Mexican army was little more than a fly flitting around the bigger picture of Whites once again taking land that was originally owned by others. Afterwards Latinos and Hispanics are not referred to until historians mention Cesar Chavez and the farm workers.

What of the many women, both White and of color, who contributed to the history of this country? What of herstory? Betsy Ross and the making of the first flag. Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and the suffragette movement. Florence Nightingale and her dedication to nursing the troops. Harriet Tubman and the Underground Railroad. Pocahontas and Jamestown. Jane Addams and Hull House. Herstory is defined by these few mentions. History is loath to speak of the contributions of women to this country. The longest historical references in the history books are of the suffragette movement. Little attention is given to the work of First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt and her many contributions nationally and internationally. What of Anna Dudley Broadstreet, the first published poet? Deborah Sampson was the only woman known to fight in the Revolution War. Elizabeth Blackwell became the first female doctor in America. What of the many women who made history by virtue of the work they did on behalf of women, children and the family? What of the women who were staunch abolitionists during the time of slavery? What of the women who assisted their husbands, fathers and brothers during the turbulent times of labor battles? Or the many women who worked in factories while men went off to war in Europe? What of the sacrifices made by the countless women who work, raise children, assist husbands, and care for the sick with little thought to their own needs. Sleeping like the dead only to awaken to do It all over again.

As we say goodbye to Women’s History Month 2014, maybe we should all give a shout out to the women who make up our own personal history. Although history is written by the winner, there is no winning history without herstory. Long may her story wave!

Sheroes

March is Women's History Month. I'd like to take a moment to recognize the women who've contributed to my life. Here's to my sheroes.

Mae West - this Brooklyn born, master of the double entendre and sex symbol is one of the women who taught me "too much of a good thing is wonderful." She was a woman well before her time. Arrested on morals charges more than once, she was a bawdy, sexy, racy woman who wrote her own material and more importantly, she was an independent woman at a time when most women were considered property to be controlled by a man.

Jackie "Moms" Mabley - The funniest woman I've ever seen who could make you laugh just by looking at her. Moms, like Mae West, was a woman before her time. Her comedy tackled all sorts of taboo subjects including ageism and racism but she was fearless. She was a proud lesbian who men's clothing when not performing and was addressed at Mr. Mabley when away from the stage. She was an original and there has been no one like her since.

Nikki Giovanni - I'm not a poetry buff but I love me some Nikki. She was one of the first people I heard embrace the term "Black" and after I heard her, I vowed I would never call myself colored or Negro again. To this day, I use the term "Black", not African American. Nikki made the phrase "Black is beautiful" means something to me in my formative years as the Civil Rights Movement sputtered to an end and I will always believe in my head and my heart that Black is absolutely, positively, unequivocally, unashamedly Beautiful.

Barbara Streisand - That voice, that phrasing, that clarity. I love to hear Streisand sing. Funny Girl is one of my favorite films and I still sing with Barbara when she's belting out Don't Rain on My Parade. That song gives me permission to tell anyone in my general vicinity that I won't allow anyone to get in my way. It's my theme song and nobody can sing it like Barbara.

Tananarive Due - Like poetry, I'm not a reader of science fiction or supernatural but Tananarive's African Immortals series have given me some great hours of entertainment, fear and speculation. She is a first rate writer whose worked simply cannot be confined to one genre. Her books are well worth the time and effort and shoud not be misssed if you like a good story well told.

Toni Morrison - There isn't too much left to say about this award winning, world renowned writer. Every so often, I re-read Sula or The Bluest Eyeor Song of Solomon and I remember why I wanted to write fiction (although I own up to the fact that I can't). Thank God she writes it so well. And thank God, she inspires me to continue writing even when I think I have nothing left to say.

Molly Ivins - This Texas columnist gave me the courage to write op-eds about politics. No one covered the winding road of dirty politics like Molly Ivins. She watched the underhanded bigwigs in Texas government like a hawk and had the guts to call them out when they were wrong. She's gone now but her spirit is alive and well. I hope to be as courageous as she was when some politician is lying, cheating and stealing.

Aretha Franklin> - That powerhouse of a voice moves inside and through me like nothing else in this world. No matter where in the world you are, when you hear Respect, you have to stop and sing along because everyone around you is singing it too. Only Aretha seems to understand how a woman feels desperation, sadness, humility and love. Only Aretha seems to share that pain. And Aretha can do it in different genres without breaking a sweat. She could sing the ABC song and you can feel it in your bones. Aretha's singing moves inside me like she has a map and that's why she is the undisputed Queen.

LuWillie Luster - My mother who died when I was six years old. I have only brief memories of her but they are as clear as day and remain with me. She came from Texas to study at Providence Hospital. She became a lab technician and worked on the original polio vaccine. Her dancing to the music of American Bandstand. Her singing to me at night. Her standing by the sink sticking vanilla wafers under the cold water as she ate them dripping wet. Her eating Jell-O with milk. Her walking me to kindergarten. Her stretched out in her coffin. I have these memories and although they are few, they help me to understand what kind of woman I could be. They hold the promise of what I can be.

Mary Liza Holmes Seavers - My paternal grandmother who taught me what a woman is supposed to be. She worked every day and came home to cook dinner and then start all over again. She taught me when to be a lady, when to be a woman and when to be a whore and to never get the three confused. She took me the Ice Capades and wrestling matches. She taught me to cook and do laundry. She encouraged my reading and my writing. She showed me everyday what a woman with little education but lots of drive could do. She was proud and strong and did everything in her power to make sure I was too. She loved me more than she could ever say but she showed me every day. The best of what is in me is because of her and I owe her everything that I am.

March is Women's History Month. Tell the women in your life that you love them. Take a moment to acknowledge your sheroes. The world is a better place because of them. And if you're like me, you're a better person because of them. Shine a light on them today!

The Powerful Bullet in Your Arsenal

Early voting is going on in Chicago this week for the primary. It began Monday, March 3rd and continues through Saturday, March 15th from 9am to 5pm. In addition to the usual suspects, there are judges and several very important referendum including one about domestic violence shelters, banning guns in pubs, limiting the size of clips on an automatic weapon and raising the minimum wage. There are some serious issues here and yet we have yet to get 100 voters a day. Why? Because people are listening to the pundits declare voter turnout will be low and voters decide they must be right and don't vote.

People often complain there are no good candidates in the general election. If you want great candidates for the general election, they must be voted for in the primary. If they don't win the primary, that incompetent incumbent will be on the ballot once again. They complain they never seen that incumbent until election time but if he knows he's going to win the primary which means he will absolutely win the general election, why would he do better? The challenger, the person who might just unseat that wasteful politician is on the primary ballot. If you don’t vote, a better candidate has lost before he ever had a chance. If you want to see change, do something to make change. Voting in the primary is of the best ways to do that.

As a Black person in America, I recognize that some of the most important people on the ballot are judges. Young Black people, especially males, are disproportionally part of the criminal justice system for both misdemeanors and felonies. Yet because we routinely disregard voting in the primary, we miss the opportunity of removing less than fair judges from the bench. We often wonder why there are often such blatant miscarriages of justice when part of the real problem is that we fail to look at the records of judges and vote accordingly.

It’s easy to complain. It’s easy to sign a petition. It’s easy to join a rally. You can complain every day, sign every petition and join every rally. But sound without action is noise. We’ve made plenty of noise over the years. Don’t you think it’s time to turn that noise into action? Then vote. If you don’t, then don’t complain about the useless incumbent on the ballot again in November. The fault of that is no one’s but your own.

In other words, if you don't vote, sit down and shut the f*** up. You deserve exactly who you voted for.

And The Oscar Goes To,,,

It's Oscar Day - one of my favorite days of the year. I have a special menu consisting of my favorite pates, cheeses, breads and desserts. I have a bottle of champagne chilling in the fridge. My Oscar sheet is taped to the wall in the living room with my picks circled in black. Everyone who knows me knows to call before 5pm because the phone is officially off at 5pm. Oscar Day is sacred to me and everyone in my circle knows it.
(br>Yes, I recognize that with everything going on in the world, the Oscars don't mean that much. I know it's going to be long and tedious at some points. I know the speeches will be almost all the same given the two minutes the winners are given. There will be a tribute to those film people who died last year. There will be presentations I hate and songs I've never heard. Yes, I know all of this but still I watch every year and love every minute of it.

This will be my 50th Oscar celebration. And over the years, I've developed some insights about who will be taking home the golden bald guy we call Oscar.

Best Acting - Any actor who plays someone with a mental or physical defect or illness wins. Geoffrey Rush, Daniel Day Lewis, Holly Hunter, Al Pacino, Dustin Hoffman, Tom Hanks -to name a few, have all won playing someone with some sort of ailment. Pacino, who was great in all the Godfather movies, never won for any of them but won for playing blind in Scent of a Woman. It wasn't even close to his best performance but he was playing blind. This tells me Matthew McConaughey will win as an AIDS striken man in Dallas Buyers Club.

The same can be said for women who are nominated for Woody Allen movies. Think what you will about Woody, he writes great roles for women and his ladies usually win. Cate Blanchett doesn't have a care in the world tonight. She's bringing Oscar home...again.

Best Supporting Acting - Movies follow life in this category so this is where the Black nominee usually wins. There are more winning Black actors in this category than any other. Beginning with Hattie McDaniel in Gone with the Wind and ending with Octavia Spencer in The Help, the number of winning Black actors in this category includes Morgan Freeman, Louis Gossett, Jr., Jennifer Hudson, Whoopi Goldberg, Cuba Gooding, Jr., and Monique. This is no way saying they were undeserving of their wins; it's just a reflection of Hollywood. As we marvel at what Lupita Nyong'o will be wearing, I hope she's practicing her acceptance speech.

Documentary feature or short - Any documentary that is about or features the Jewish Holocaust will win. That's not to say they are not without merit but there are a lot of really great documentaries out there that could use the boost an Oscar win would give. I haven't seen a lot of the nominated films this year but I do know that The Lady in Number 6: Music Saved My Life will win given its subject is a 106 year old Holocaust survivor.

Best Song - This category has become one of the most surprising categories in recent years. Normally the best song was one with great radio play or something by a classical composer. Now it's populated with winners under the age of 40 whom many Oscar voters don't know. I would imagine it's because the musical branch of the academy is filled with people under the age of 40 and the musicians vote for their peers. One of my favorite Oscar moments was watching Queen Latifah annoucing rap group Three 6 Mafia winning for It's Hard Out There for a Pimp from the movie Hustle and Flow. It still gives me a kick. A close rival to that moment was Barbara Streisand announcing Eminem. As we say in my house, you could have bought her cheap.

Make-up and Costume Design - The more elaborate the make-up and costume, the better chance of a win. I think this is a bit of a cheat. It's easy to make-up a monster. After all creating a monster is subjective. It's also easy to create costumes for a period piece. But the real artistry for me is making up and costuming a character from the past 20-30 years. Although there are loads of pictures about the 60's-90's, there is no solid historical frame. So doing these times periods mean more difficult research. Doing it right separates the great from the really good. I don't really have a choice in this category. Just 50 years of watching people create Victorian era design with 20th and 21st century know-how.

Best Picture - The winner will be 12 Years a Slave. First let me say that I will scream my head off when it wins for I believe it should win. However I recognize a win is a two-fer for the Hollywood voters. First the Academy can pat itself on the back for voting for this film. They can say it proves Hollywood is not racist (which is a load of bull). After all, the cast is predominantly Black although almost all the speaking roles are done by Whites. Second, this is type of historical film the academy loves. Like so many other winning films, there is grand cinematography, classical music, wonderful acting and great direction. The film is visceral in more ways than one. It caused me great anger and anquish. It pushed every button. And in the end, good triumphs over evil.

Those are my predictions for tonight. You may agree or think I'm totally off the mark. You probably think I'm giving in to the worst of the worst by writing a post about the Oscars. To paraphrase Bill Joel, "you may be right. I may be crazy. But I just might be the lunatic you're looking for." Enjoy your night. I'm certainly going to enjoy mine. Champagne, anyone?

Jordan, Meet Trayvon.

Do you feel it? That sense of having been here before? Think about it. For the second time in as many years, a jury in Florida has determined the life of a young Black man is worthless. Stand your ground once again prevails as a defenseless young man is cut down with nothing in his hand. Instead of a grown man defying orders to stay in the car, this grown man decided to shoot up a car of Black teenagers, wounding three and killing one. I’m beginning to believe that every young Black male should leave Florida immediately and not return until middle age. I, for one, have advised my 19 year old son to go no further southeast than Georgia.

As I sit here once again stunned by the travesty of justice that continue to be be perpetuated in Florida since the election debacle of 2000, I’m waiting to hear the voices of indignation from the so-called leaders of the Black community. I’m waiting to hear the screams of Black mothers rising like steam into the atmosphere. I’m waiting to hear the roars of fathers defending their sons. I’m waiting. And what I hear is the silent resignation of a people who have been let down by the justice system we proclaim to be the greatest in the world. The silent acceptance that the scales of justice are not only not balanced but blatantly tilted in favor of the individuals whose actions tell us every day that we will never be allowed to achieve the American dream. The silent resignation that says you may have the presidency (and it’s temporary) but we have the judges, juries, defense and prosecution. The silent resignation that daily tells me and mine that I have never been nor will I ever be treated like equal in my lifetime in this country.


At the end of the week, churches will ask that we pray for the families.  Clergy will ask us to forgive Dunn and trust that God will punish him.  When Dunn us sentenced, Davis' parents will be asked whether they believe justice has been served.  The pundits will weigh in with their summary of what happened.  The members of Dunn's family along with members of the Dunn jury and Dunn himself will be asked if they think justice was fair.  But Jordan Davis will be another footnote in the history books. His death will become the scab of another wound inflicted upon Black people in this country.<br>
<br>It's always been said that justice is blind.  I would submit that Lady Justice is far from blind.  She sees exactly what she wants to see and who she wants to see when she peaks beneath her blindfold.  Unfortunately she remembers to pull down that blindfold when your skin is Black.

The One and Only Resolution Worth Keeping

It’s early February and one thing is clear. Those resolutions made New Years Day have already bit the dust. You haven’t been to the gym in the past two weeks. Eating healthy went out the door when the cold spell hit. Your television habits haven’t changed and you haven’t opened Moby Dick or Great Expectations or War and Peace or any of those classics you promised you would begin this year.

Face it. You’ve conceded defeat and you’re beating yourself up for it.

Don’t.

The problem isn’t that another year has begun and you’ve already given up any hope of keeping those resolutions. The problem is that you made the wrong resolution.

There is only one resolution each of us should make. It’s simple but it’s powerful. The resolution, you ask? BE SELFISH!

Yes, I said it. Be selfish. We’ve been taught since childhood that selfishness is a sin. Only bad children are selfish. Selfish children become selfish adults. But if you think about it, every great or successful person has been or is selfish.

If you think about selfishness like the airplane rule, you’ll understand what I mean about being selfish. The flight attendant always says in case the air masks are needed, place the mask over your own face and then assist the person with you. Why? You can’t help someone else if you are incapacitated. It’s not selfish to save yourself first. Remember the adage “self preservation is the first law of nature.” That is as true a statement as one can make. There is nothing selfish about that.

Let me reiterate. Being selfish is simple to declare but when lived, you and everyone around you will recognize the power of that resolution. And remember, how you live that resolution is as important as the resolution itself.

For example, being selfish can be used for good. Every person we think of as a good person, a hero if you will, was selfish. Recently Nelson Mandela died and his heroism was heralded around the world. He was seen as one of the most selfless beings on the planet. Yet if you think of him in the context of being selfish, his heroism proves the point. Mandela was selfish in his belief that South Africa should no longer practice apartheid. For his unwavering belief, he was imprisoned for 27 years. Was he a hero? Absolutely! Was he selfish? Absolutely! That selfishness caused his children to be raised without him and his wife to take care of the household without assistance. Yet his selfishness freed a nation and made him the first president of a democratic South Africa.

On the other hand, selfishness can be used to cause great harm. Our government has continued a war so that another country can be deprived of its natural resources. Those resources will be owned by a very select few people who will use them to gauge the rest of us. That selfishness is greed and greed can be as much a by-product of selfishness as heroism. It depends on the person being selfish and how he or she interprets the resolution of being selfish. And that’s why being selfish is such a powerful resolution.

So instead of dwelling on the bad connotations of selfishness, let's focus on the good.

Being selfish means

• waking up every day saying thank you to the Creator, giving yourself a big hug and declaring you are more than enough.

• loving yourself the way you want someone else to love you.

• ridding yourself of any person who does not recognize how wonderful you are and you won’t feel guilty about it.

• loving your body so much you will no longer treat it like a garbage can. You will eat what makes you body feel good.

• enjoying your body so much that you like to make it move by doing movements you enjoy be it dancing or swimming or walking.

• resting your body and your mind every day for eight hours sleep.

• taking time to read, nap, meditate or do nothing and not feel guilty about it.

• saying no to anything that goes against your better judgment regardless of who is doing the asking.

• being true to you without apology.

• being the best you can be without comparison.

• you share your joy.

Sounds like a lot, I know. It is but then again, it isn’t. The first two parts of the resolution will make the other parts that much easier to follow.

You made it to another year. Don’t wallow in the resolution abyss of resolutions already shot to hell. Be thankful you made it through another year. Be grateful for what you have in life. And be selfish.

Happy Holidays!

Thank you for reading the blog and keeping me honest. I appreciate you and thank you once again for making 2013 a stand out year. I'm so looking forward to sharing with you in 2014.

Here's wishing each of you the most joyous of holiday seasns!

We Need Somebody to Look Up To

A god has returned home. We have been blessed to have had him among us. Of course, I'm referring to Nelson Mandela. Volumes have been said in remembrance of him since his passing earlier this month. There is nothing left to be said other than we have all been made better by the example he set and he was one of, if not, the greatest person of our century.

We've lost a lot of great people over the years. We speak about the assassinations of Martin Luther King, Malcolm X and the Kennedy brothers. Ywt we barely mention the others who have given us so much. People like forward thinking legislators like Shirley Chisolm,Barbara Jordan and Harold Washington. People like historians and teachers like John Henrik Clarke and Alex Haley. People like A. Philip Randolph, Bayard Rustin and Fannie Lou Hamer. Ask any person today under the age of 40 and they would be hard pressed to recognize any of these names. Ask any person over the age of 40 and they'd have to think long and hard before recognition reached their eyes. It would be funny if it were not so sad.

So often we look to the loudest person to represent us. When something happens in the Black community, the pundits contact the usual suspects: Rev. Jesse Jackson, Rev. Al Sharpton, Dr. Henry Louus Gates and Dr. Cornel West. They don't count, at least not to me and not to most of the Black people I know. They are the puppets placed on the show to entertain between the real acts.

Where are the equivalents to the people mentioned? Where is the next Barbara Jordan? The next Alex Haley? The next Fannie Lou Hamer?

Mandela like Hamer, Randolph, Chisolm and the others mentioned walked softly but carried a damn big stick. He was a gentle giant revered upon many, even his enemies. He was an acknowledged worldwide hero who served with dignity and quiet grace as did Clarke and Haley and Jordan who all died before him.

My heart is heavy from his loss. I mourn his passing as I did with the other greats whose names are no longer recognized even as their contributions live on. I need somebody to look up to. We need somebody to look up to.

Because I'm truly sick and tired of the puppet show. It's time for a headliner to appear.

Let’s Talk…To Each Other

This post is going to put me on somebody’s shit list. Actually, it’s going to put me on a lot of somebody’s shit list but that’s okay. I can take it.

Recently I attended a day-long conference regarding international social justice. Attendees were seated at tables designated by a particular justice issue. There were seven people at my table united by our common interest in fair labor practices. Three of us were eating our lunch as the other four texted on their phones and poked their tablets.

I took a sip of water and then declared to the table, “How about we do what people used to do and talk to each other.” After a couple of uncomfortable seconds, the ladies put their phones and tablets away and everyone agreed this would be a good idea.

Normally I would not do such a thing. But I’ve really become fed up with this habit people have since the advent of cell phones and tablets. We have become so discourteous that ignoring others has become standard.

How often have you seen two people sitting across from each other in a restaurant and both are talking on the phone? Several years ago, this was something of a shock. Nowadays it seems to be accepted. Is there something wrong with me or has this become the “new normal?” Where was I when it was decided people should go out together but spend time apart talking on cell phones? This has become so regular that people take me to task when I mention it. I guess when people are out together, they mean they are occupying the same space but not interacting with each other. Silly me!

Another example of this egregious behavior occurs on public transportation. Riding public transportation has always been a bit harried. People are mean, pushy and downright discourteous.

The worst of these, however, is the person who insists on sharing his entire conversation with everyone on the bus or the train. Although you could care less about the petulant kids or stingy boyfriend or irritating co-worker, you are encroached upon with the entire conversation. If you look at the person, you’re given a withering stare and sometimes asked why you’re listening in on their conversation. If you answer that the person is talking so loud that you can’t help but hear, all hell breaks loose and you become part of the messiness you had hoped to avoid. There is no way to win.

When did technology absolve us from practicing common courtesy?

I’m not advocating that we ban the use of technology. I recognize the great advances new technologies have made in our society. People are living longer and better. We make friends all over the world without leaving the comfort of home. We can access all forms of information in a short period of time. Technology has become useful in ways we could only dream about 20 short years ago.

On the other hand, technology, however, should not absolve us of our basic humanity. Technology is a tool and should be used as judiciously as any other tool. It should not be the end of a civil society.

So I’m asking if it’s possible for us to use technology the way it was meant to be used and for us to socialize the way we were meant. Is it possible for us to have a conversation with the person seated across from us instead of the person who is miles away and on the other end of the phone? Can we get together for coffee or lunch and not text while giving our companions our full attention? Can we ride the bus without making everyone privy to our lives? Can we watch a movie without the proliferation of cell phones going off disturbing the movie experience? Can we sit in a meeting without being interrupted incessantly by phones chirping and chiming?

Is anyone bothered by this continued encroachment upon courtesy and civility? Or is it just me?

Happy Devil's Day!

Today is Halloween, one of my favorite holidays. I’ve gotten older and my costumes have changed but the fun remains the same. I remember fondly as a child when all I was a pair of too big pants, an old jacket, dirty gym shoes, eyebrow pencil and lipstick smears on the face and a paper bag. Most of the kids in my neighborhood wore some variation of the same. We also had something else in common - camaraderie. We were out and about ringing doorbells, shouting "Trick or Treat" and getting loads of candy. We even went in to the bar on the corner (this was the only time we could) and received treats from the bartender and change from the patrons.

The neighbors feigned shock and awe at the little homemade costumes we wore with pride. They pretended not to know one child from another and along with our candy gave us "a little something extra" like a nickel or a dime. We swapped candy with each other as we ran from house to house. At the end of the night, we all went home happy, bags spilling over with our bounty and watched as our parents emptied said bounty on the table, picking out their favorites and throwing the unwrapped candy in the garbage. Such was Halloween then.

Since that time Halloween has gotten a bad rap. Tales of horror and mayhem abound. Those tales of horror are not stories of teens throwing eggs or slashing tires just for sport. They're not the stories of the apple with the razor blade hidden inside. It's the story of how those of us who deign celebrate Halloween are going to be cursed for all time because Halloween has become Devil's Day. Like me, you're probably checking your calendar of holidays and looking for Devil's Day. Let me save you the trouble. It isn't there. So who declared Halloween the Devil's Day? Why, well-meaning Christians, of course.

I remember when I first heard this. While planning to costume shop for my son, I mentioned the shopping to a friend. She looked at me aghast and uttered "How could you celebrate Halloween? That's the Devil's Day." I thought she was joking but quickly realized she wasn’t. She was serious. So I asked her why she would give the devil a day? She looked at me as if I'd lost all good sense and said that dressing in costume especially as a devil or one of him minions and uttering trick or treat was worshiping the devil. I shook my head and walked away. I didn't get it then and I don't get it now.

Here’s a very brief history of Halloween. The day has both Celtic and European roots and was originally a celebration that marked the end of summer and the harvest season called Samhain. In the seventh century, Pope Boniface IV declared November 1st All Saints Day to honor saints and martyrs and changed what was once a secular holiday into a Christian one. October 31st was declared as All-hallows Eve which was shorted to Halloween. When immigrants came to America from Europe, they brought their Halloween customs with them. In time Halloween developed into a secular but community centered holiday. Today Halloween generates over $5 billion annually in the US alone. Needless to say, we Americans love Halloween.

Over the past 10 or so years, I've heard a number of people declare Halloween the Devil's Day and have kept their children from participating in the festivities. And my question is always the same - why give the devil a day? Is the devil more worthy of a day than Mussolini or Eichmann or Bin Laden? Each of them has done a great many despicable things to humankind. Have you ever once considered having a party or dressing up for Stalin Day? I think not.

It would certainly help if these folks took a minute from condemning others to hell to study a little history. Often it is those who know just a little to take things out of context. Or possibly this tirade about Halloween is about control. One of the best ways to control something is to introduce an element of evil into the game. Cigarette smoking was one of ways cool people were able to show their coolness. Now smoking has been relegated to something akin to having leprosy.

I believe those who declare Halloween the Devil's Day are not trying to be hurtful. They honestly believe the rhetoric about Halloween although there is no such uproar about Santa. They believe criticizing the government is treason regardless of wrongs the government may perpetrate in our name. They believe drinking any form of liquor is against God although Jesus being the party animal that he was certainly didn't think so. His first miracle was turning water into wine to the party could continue. They believe it's wrong to have an abortion but okay to execute a criminal because they can distinguish good killing from bad. They believe their way is the only way, the right way without giving any credence to the billions of people who may believe otherwise.

It's a good thing that all who believe in God do not have the power of God. Too many people would be condemned to hell and humankind has devised so many ways to hurry and get us there. It's a good thing that so many believe in the notion of a kind, loving God regardless of whether God is proclaimed he or she or is called Yahweh, Allah, Jehovah, Krishna or Satnam. What matters is that God loves us all in spite of our foolishness and believes that life should be lived well. So if that means dressing up as a pirate or princess or clown or even a little devil, sticking up your neighbors for a chocolate bar while yelling "Trick of Treat," so be it.

Now if you will excuse me, I need a nap. I just eaten my body's weight in chocolate because we had left over candy from Hallo, excuse me, Devil's Day.

Step Away from the Self-Help Aisle and Help Yourself

Have you ever wandered through the self-help aisle in a bookstore? I do it every time I visit either a new or used bookstore. The number of books claiming to help us find joy, happiness, contentment, creativity, life force and the like is staggering. I never realized how many people out there who have given such great thought to helping the rest of us live a fulfilled life. It never occurred to me that so many of us were so screwed up that we needed more than 100 other people to help us do so.

The usual suspects are always there. Tony Robbins, Dr. Phil, Eckhart Tolle, Iyanla Vanzant, Rick Warren and Joel Osteen, to name a few, have at least two books in this category. I find it interesting that almost each of these people is a motivational speaker, a psychologist or a minister. They’ve all come through some sort of personal crisis and each has come out on the other side with great wisdom to share and great amounts of money earned. Each one is a living encyclopedia of the “get up and get moving” pronouncement. If not that, it’s the “get up, get praying and then get moving” declaration.

Don’t get me wrong. I know there are millions of people who are in need of guidance. Anti-depressants are being prescribed in record amounts to the young and the old. Suicides are on the rise. Cults are pointing at the changes in nature and proclaiming we are in the last days. Religious cable channels have tripled within the past 10 years. Plastic surgery and body modification is no longer the exception but the rule as we mold and shape ourselves in an attempt to stay young and lithe. Even the rich and famous seem to be out of control trying to find their way. What the hell is happening to us?

For as long as I can remember there have been self-help books. Napoleon Hill’s Think and Grow Rich, Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale’s The Power of Positive Thinking and the Bible were the books I remembered from my youth. Almost every household had at least one of these books on the shelves and they all had a Bible. These were the tomes people turned to when they were depressed or looking for the way to a fulfilled life.

Fast forward to 1987 and Joseph Campbell’s The Power of Myth opened the flood gates. From there came Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and Susan Jeffers’ Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway. The 1990’s introduced Robert Bly’s Iron John, Anthony Robbins’ The Giant Within, M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Traveled, Richard Carlson’s Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff and Deepak Chopra’s The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success. According to the Columbus Dispatch in January of this year, an estimated 2000 self-help books are published annually resulting in a $10 billion a year business. Self-help books sell more generally in January when people are looking to start over in the New Year.

What does this say about us as people? Is it possible that we need guidance from 2000 books to turn our lives around? Have we become so lost that we actually believe our problems, our lives, our successes and our losses can all be corrected or directed by someone who has no knowledge of us personally? Have we strayed so far from our center?

I wish had the answer. I wish I could recommend one of those 2000 books that would answer all those questions. I wish I could tell you why you’re here, tell you what you were destined to be or what you are destined to do. But I can’t. I can’t because I don’t know you. And on any given day, I don’t even know me.

I’ll share with you what I do know. Sometimes asking the questions is enough. Sometimes taking a deep breath is enough. Sometimes crying until you fall asleep is enough. Sometimes giving yourself a hug is enough. Sometimes it’s the small things that answer the big questions.

Most importantly, I know what I don’t want. That gives me a place to start. Sometimes knowing what you don’t want can help lead you to what you do. That may not be the way you would answer the life questions but it’s a start. Sometimes a start is all you need.

Happy Birthday to Us

Today is my son’s birthday. He looks much the same as he did when he was little boy. Yes, he’s grown taller and his voice is most certainly deeper. He has a beard, a thick head of hair and curses. I remind his about his language when we’re together. And no matter how old he gets, he’s still my baby boy.

Time goes by so quickly when you have a child. It seems the kid was just a kid several years ago. While you’re busy helping with homework, making cupcakes for school events and attending PTA meetings, you are so much in the moment that you never connect with time. When you head comes up from everything child related in your life, you realize that years have passed and you never got to really know your child. You child has become an adult and you didn’t have the chance to take notice of this adult in the making.

It has been difficult to reconcile the fact that my son is a grown man with a life of his own. I cried the first day I took him to school as did he. I watched as he made friends and had sleepovers. I took him to his first dance with his first girlfriend. I waited patiently for him to come home just before his 11pm curfew. I remember the conversation we had about him losing his virginity. I cried as he walked across the stage when he received his high school diploma. And I watched him walk to the bus stop as he left for his first day of college. Yet with all these memories and more, it never once occurred to me that he would become a man. Yes, I dreamed of him as a man. I wanted him to live through big city violence and police profiling to become a man. But I was so busy being his mother that I had no time to see him as a distinct human being. And that’s the real tragedy of motherhood.

I remember the day he was born like it was yesterday because for me, it was just yesterday. I saw that wizened face with the little arms drawn up and I was head over heels in love. At that moment, I knew I would give up everything in order for this child to live. Like every mother before me and probably every mother to be, I experienced the thrill of unconditional love.

Every mother knows this feeling and it doesn’t matter if you’ve given birth to the child or whether an agency places that child in your arms. You are a mother and it is a badge worn proudly until the day you die.

And with all this love and joy, I still wonder in my quiet moments what my life would have been like had my son not been born.

Any mother who says she has not wondered this is either fooling herself or lying. Mostly likely, she’s doing both. Society frowns on that type of speculation. So be it. Frown away if that makes you happy. But it doesn’t stop me from wondering what I could have done or where might I have gone. Would I have travelled around the world as I had planned? Would I become the great newspaper reporter I wanted to be? Would I have moved to Los Angeles and followed my dream of being a producer? Would I have remained single, being free to take lovers as I choose? Would my life have been the adventure I thought it would be if only I hadn’t had a child?

There are no answers to those questions. I can only answer that those dreams did not come to pass. But now that my son is an adult and living his own life, I can still make some of those dreams a reality. I’m not too old and feeble to travel and my passport is up to date. I am still a good writer and I have the clips to prove it. I can move to Los Angeles and look up some folks I know in the entertainment industry. If I were willing to cheat on my husband, I could certainly have a lover or two but I don’t have the inclination. There is still adventure to be had. It may not be what I had in mind when I was in my 20’s, 30’s or 40’s but adventure is always waiting if you’re willing follow its lead.

So not only is it my son’s birthday, it’s also mine. His birthday has given me as much freedom as it has given him. I’ve been the best mother I could possibly be. My son can vouch for that. He’s had the best childhood I could give him. He’s well travelled and well read. He is a published author and works with youth at his high school alma mater. He is living his life honorably with nothing detrimental in his way. He is only hampered by the limitations he may place upon himself. I have given him all that I can and it is up to him to determine if he wants to be all that he can be.

I love my son. I would never trade the experience of being his mother. He gave as much to me as I have given him. After life, the greatest gift I can give to him is to release him from being my baby. And the best gift he can give to me is to accept it.